Shame is an unbearably painful experience when you realize you are not perfectand therefore deserve neither love nor respect. Shame is a fear that people might turn against us if we share more about who we really are.
It is difficult to admit our own shortcomings, and the more efforts to be perfect are made, the worse facing the truth is. But we are able to develop resistance to shame. This resistance means the ability to recognize the sense of shame, to cope constructively with it – without losing self-confidence. And as a result, a man become bolder and build good relationships with others.
To do so, a man should accept a shortcoming and take responsibility for their appearance. It means you are not good now, but you can be better. Then you’ll see some situations in different view and realize that shame was just distorting reality.
One of the most popular reasons of constant postponing gym visit is shame about body. But to change it and get rid of the complex you HAVE TO DO IT. It’s a kind of vicious circle.
For example, a woman worries that as soon as she enters the sports room everyone will stare at her with judgmental eyes and yell how fat she is. It doesn’t work like this. Everybody in the room has come to do their work, no one care about her at all. And she will see it if she stops blaming herself about getting out of shape and takes responsibility of it.
The same thing is about skinny people. It might appear to a guy that athletes are laughing when he lifts the weights with his frail hands. But after a guy stops shaming himself, he will see no one actually do it.
Some people feel shame about their skills and can’t bring themselves to start workouts. They are afraid to be clumsy and clunky because they don’t know how to use sport equipment. This can lead to an awkward situation which is hard to get through for them. Also, such people pathologically worry about correctness of the exercises and thought everybody giggles as they do it wrong way.
But there are always instructors in a sport gym who can tell you about using sports machines and answer all the questions. Don’t hesitate to ask for help, take responsibility of unawareness.
So, shame is a destructive feeling caused by the denial one’s own shortcomings. To get rid of shortcomings it’s necessary to stop blaming yourself and take responsibility. As long as you manage with it you will see no one is perfect and it’s ok to be sometimes no-good. What for sport gym, the secret will be open – there is no actually a second for ridicule and gossip.